The Insider staff fought back against the Concord City Council last week following an announcement that the city of Concord was going to ban the use of all puns going forward.
In the end, the Insider’s argument was strong enough to sway City Council, which in an unprecedented about-face decided not only to allow puns but to encourage their liberal use, penning a new theme song entitled “We are the Champlins” in honor of Ward 4 councilor Byron Champlin to pledge its allegiance.
Prior to the desired outcome, the meeting was heated enough that three BearCats rolled unnoticed down Main Street and a Trader Joe’s was erected in anonymity on Fort Eddy Road.
The Insider argued against the pun ban by noting it would eliminate two of its newest column creations, both PBS inspired: Downtown Blabby, a weekly look at all the gossip on Main Street, and Sherlock Homes, the nation’s first mystery real estate blog (where is your dream house actually located? You’ll have to follow the clues!) written by Ladarius Sherlock.
Enticed by the prospects of such journalistic gold, councilors quickly began to soften, and shortly thereafter they threw in the towel when the Insider staff unveiled plans for a new, very exclusive 24-hour, 7-day downtown club, The Emperor Has No Close, which wouldn’t be permitted under the proposed rule change. Nor would the neighboring restaurant, The Walking Bread, which would specialize in on-foot delivery of gourmet and artisan doughy specialties.
With that avalanche of evidence and a growing storm of support from those in attendance, the council voted to defeat its own proposal and preserve the artful use of puns in our beloved city.
“We are truly relieved to hear of the council’s ruling,” Insider reporter Tim Goodwin said. “We’ve never used puns in the Insider, but we are looking forward to giving it a shot now that we know it won’t result in jail time.”
The ruling was further proof that the Insider truly knows what’s best for Concord, and that without our help, many elected officials really don’t. It also provided a perfectly plausible conclusion to a series of totally made up news stories for a special occasion. Look at the next page, man.
April Fools!!!!!!!!!!!
