Dear Casper and Bill,
I am a 22-year-old virgin. My mom says I'm good looking and I have a lot of female friends, but I've had no luck in the ladies department.
I'm thinking about using an escort service to meet my needs, but I don't want to feel dirty about it in the morning. What should I do?
Dear Pure-As-the-Driven-Snow,
Yeah, sure you're a virgin. Just like Richard Burton and Liz Taylor, Larry King, Salome, JLo, Cher, Donny and Marie, William “Star Trek” Shatner. Get the hint? You don't want to feel “dirty” the morning after. What should you do? Come on, you're using our Ball and Chain Insider column as an advertisement for your innocence and pretending you are “unused or untouched,” just like a virgin forest. You know very well that all the hot chicks will feel sorry for you and want to sacrifice themselves for your innocent virginal status. You'll be getting dozens of social network contacts that will keep you in and out of the sack for years hopping around with Abigail to Zelda. You're shameless, but not that clever. We're on to you and your deception. When can we meet for us to confirm your claim that you are indeed good-looking and as virginally innocent as you claim. We'll know the moment we see you. We've got experience. We'll also bring the wine.
