Tim adds 35 pounds to his belly – and it wasn’t just because of food

By Tim Goodwin - Jun 17, 2014 | 0 comments

It took just one flight of stairs to cause to Tim to run out of breath. On a normal, non- pregnant day, it typically takes at least two.

The grimace on Tim’s face shows just how difficult it is to tie your shoes with a big old pregnant belly.

Momentum is key to rolling over with an extra 35 pound belly. We’re still waiting to see if he’s been able to roll back.

So last week, I gained about 35 pounds.

Now, I know what you’re thinking, and no, it’s not because I spent every waking moment at the recently opened Five Guys taking down double cheeseburgers and large fries like it was my job. I mean, let’s be honest, it would be a great job to have, but there’s no way I could accomplish that kind of weight gain in just one week. It would take at least two weeks to add that many pounds with my below average metabolism.

Instead, this was the kind of weight gain that comes off just as fast as it went on. This addition to my midsection actually took place in front of a trained medical professional. You see, with my wife, Mary, being pregnant and us expecting our first child in a little over two months, I wanted to get an idea of what it would be like to have a big old belly to carry around. (That is, one bigger than the one that’s attached.) And the good people at the Center for Health Promotion made it happen.

They have what is called the Empathy Belly, and it’s meant to simulate what full-term pregnancy is like. The vest weighs 35 to 37 pounds and is filled with mostly water and a couple small shot put looking balls for added weight. You even get to Velcro a small pouch to the underside of the belly to represent a full bladder, and wear a rib restrictor strap around your chest to simulate the shortness of breath that typically accompanies the joys of pregnancy. Let’s just say it was a lot to deal with in a matter of minutes.

But this was for my wife, and now I can tell her that I’ve been more pregnant than her, albeit for a grand total of about 20 minutes and without actually being pregnant and going through all the wonderful changes it makes to your body. I’m sure this will be a good thing to bring up down the road, especially when she gets close to the due date.

So I met up with Tina Andy, the family education coordinator for the center who teaches many of the childbirth classes, for a little test run with the belly. It’s something expectant fathers try toward the end of the class to simulate the beauty of pregnancy, and if you haven’t noticed, I’ll do just about anything for a story, especially when it makes me look a little foolish.

First went on the old rib restrictor, and I could immediately tell the difference. My first thought was ‘how does Mary deal with this and not need to sit down every two minutes?’ I wasn’t even moving and I was short of breath. Maybe it was from all the running I did that morning. No, that can’t be, because honestly I haven’t run for months.

Then came the fun part. It was time to pull on the old belly, and wow does that change your balance. I couldn’t imagine doing it for an hour, let alone day after day. My back hurts just thinking about my less than a half hour experience.

The whole point of this was to try a few daily tasks that don’t seem all that difficult, but can be quite problematic given the basketball that was currently taking up my midsection – that is in addition to the spare tire that currently resides there.

So we started off easy. I walked around the room a little bit to get used to my new center of gravity. I sat down in a chair and on an exercise ball, and the good news is that I got up from both and didn’t even need an extra hand. But those weren’t the daily tasks that I was there for.

I returned to that very same chair and once again sat down, but before I could be all proud of myself that I was able to stand again, Andy quickly untied my shoes. I had to tie both of them. First came the right, and I couldn’t help but start laughing. It seemed so far away and it immediately seemed impossible. The key, I figured out, is that once you’re able to actually grab on to one side of the lace, do not let it go. I repeat – do not let it go.

My right shoe looked like something that I would have tied about five minutes after I learned to do so in my younger years. The left was a little better, but neither looked safe to travel any distance with.

Andy next had me sit in a backjack chair and then instructed me to get up. Sure it was real easy for her to give me the instructions, but a whole different story when I tried to do it. The first step was to somehow transfer to my knees (again, a task easier said then done.) From there all I had to do was stand up. Piece of cake, right? Not so much – but I did it.

Since getting upright from a lying down position is something my wife talks about quite a bit, it seemed only fair to throw myself on the ground and see what happened. Man, do I ever have a new found respect for her. Just rolling over was hard, let alone taking the necessary steps to get to my feet.

And steps would be my final task for the day; walking up stairs to be more exact. First I went down, which was a little weird since I could not see my feet, but it was a lot easier than going back up. Talk about being a little out of breath – and I can’t forget the pain in my lower back.

In all, it took about 20 minutes to do everything, and I couldn’t wait to get that thing off of me. Being pregnant is not all that easy. So if you’ll excuse me, I should probably go buy my wife something nice.