Certain pairings are simply too perfect to avoid. Peanut butter happens to be involved in a great deal of them, somehow matching brilliantly with jelly in one memorable duo and chocolate in another.
But peanut butter isn't alone. The Insider can play that game, too.
Please, take a seat and prepare yourself – for the first collaboration between the Instigator and the Revelator.
It all began when the Instigator was doing his evening grocery shopping at Hannaford one recent evening. He parked in the row facing Books-A-Million, a row with a handful of signs that read “Compact Car Only.”
Of course, the Instigator's quest for responsible parking is well-documented. It was just last fall that downtown drivers were called out for being pig parkers – that is, parking one car across two valuable downtown spaces. So when the instigator spotted a massive SUV clogging the compact car area – a trend that has been all-too-common in other visits to the grocery store – antennas were raised.
But first, some research was required. And for that the Insider formed its very own dream team, bringing in the talents of the Revelator.
Because there isn't a sign in front of every parking space in the row, the Revelator did some reconnaissance work to determine if only those spaces marked with signs are for compact cars. Alas, though, the entire row is reserved for smaller rides, a fact confirmed by a Hannaford employee.
And a fact ignored by dozens of oblivious parkers. To whom the Instigator says, park unto others as you would have them park to you.
The same sense of entitlement pocking the pig parking epidemic is at play here. These people are unwilling or unable to consider anyone but themselves, swinging their four-miles-per-gallon monstrosities into spaces designed for average sedans.
There are only two instances in which this would be acceptable in the Instigator's eyes: if every other space in the entire lot were full, or if the SUV driver had somehow managed to stuff a compact car into the rear of his or her own vehicle.
Neither of those scenarios being likely, there's really no excuse. Filling these spaces with gas-guzzling Godzillas cramps an already tight lot and can lead to countless dings, nicks and scrapes when doors are opened in claustrophobic spaces.
And it's so easily avoided. Someone or someones spent hours painting perfectly accessible spaces throughout the parking lot. Nothing ruffles the Instigator's feathers more than ignorance toward your fellow man. You are no more important than anyone else, and neither are your parking needs.
So keep it clean, Concord. Let's police ourselves and observe the laws of the Hannaford parking lot, as well as those of common decency and neighborly living.
And while you're inside, grab a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup for us, if you don't mind.
