By Ben Conant - Jan 17, 2012 | 3 comments

Zombie aficionado Matt Wheeler with his weapon of choice, an aluminum softball bat. Swing for the fences, Matt!

The world is going to end in 2012. Mayans knew it, John Cusack knows it – everyone knows it. The only real question now is: How is it going to happen? One theory is that the world will be overrun by reanimated dead bodies, craving sustenance in the form of living human flesh. In other words, a zombie apocalypse. We talked to Concord's own Matt Wheeler, author of Guide for the Living: Zombies (Surviving a Zombie Attack) to get some tips, just in case.

Hunker down: “Outrunning the zombies, that's not the hard part. It's keeping them out. The most important tip is to pick a good location that's easily fortifiable and defensible,” Wheeler said. “Stock it with non-perishables – canned goods and lots of water. You're going to be living off of corned beef hash.”

Arm yourself: “Choose your weapons wisely,” Wheeler said. “Everybody knows that you kill the brain, you kill the beast.” Delivering a fatal blow to the brain or severing the brain stem are the surest ways to take down a zombie. Guns seem like the easiest thing to use, but they run out of ammunition, and the sound of the shots draws the zombie hordes. Wheeler said he would use an aluminum softball bat and a machete to fend off zombies.

Know your enemy: According to Wheeler, zombies come in three types: the creeper, the runner and the rager. Creepers have little-to-no energy, and are on their last legs. Runners are a little more dangerous; with less rigor mortis set in, runners can move pretty well, but you should still be able to outrun them in a footrace. Ragers are the freshest of zombies, and the most dangerous; these are the ones that will be ripping down your barricades or pawing at you through chain link fences.

Choose your friends wisely: “The average person should go through life thinking 'If there was a zombie apocalypse, would I want to be with that person?' ” Wheeler said. He said that one should surround themself with people that have “quick reflexes, a strong stomach and a good constitution in the face of adversity.”

Stay human: The last thing you want to have happen is to be turned into a zombie yourself.

“It's a bloodborne thing,” Wheeler said. “You don't want to be bitten, you don't want to be bled on.” If you feel yourself starting to turn, don't be selfish: tell your companions before it's too late.

Know your myths: “A common misconception is that they want to eat brains,” Wheeler said. “They don't have the strength to get through the skull.” So don't worry about strapping on that bike helmet – all zombies really want is to eat you alive, brains, body and all.

Hopefully these tips will keep you alive a little bit longer when the walking dead roam the earth.