Dear Casper and Bill,
I've been married for five years to my lovely wife. We have a beautiful almost-5-year-old daughter, and she means everything to us. However, recently my wife has started signing her up for beauty pagents, and it's kind of weirding me out. It's not the idea of the pageants themselves that I don't like, it's just that I feel like my wife is pushing her into them. She was in pageants herself as a child, and I'm worried that she's trying to live vicariously through our daughter. I want to broach this subject with my wife, but I don't want her to get mad at me! Help me, Ball and Chain!
Dear What's She Thinking,
It's time to make the donuts for you. Leave your very thoughtful wife to embark on the career of your gorgeous 5-year-old beaut. Look back at all the knockouts of the past and present who went on to become legends, even with a few rough times in their lives.
There is Lady Gaga, who modeled at age 2 with shocking lime green hair and a bikini! Then remember Madonna modeling for a pregnant Barbie doll when she was only 6. She wore falsies, and no one seemed to mind, except some narrow-minded censors from Texas. Then there was the stunning Liz Taylor, modeling at age 2; then they implanted a black beauty mark on her cheek, dyed her eyes green and put imitation diamonds on her fingers – and look what she did. She had eight husbands (married one twice), wore the famous “Hopeless” diamond, made millions of $$$ and left this world a better place.
Lady Gaga has only had four nervous breakdowns, 10 hair replacements and four plastic surgeries due to too much make-up while too young (seems the powder got stuck in her pores). Madonna has steel breasts that light up. . . we understand they are stuck on her from modeling under heat lamps at age 5. She has had only two marriages and is very happy sleeping under the bamboo trees in Africa. See, look how wonderful all these beautiful women turned out!
Oh, one more example: Gypsy Rose Lee had her three young daughters be models – and they all became strippers!
Rest easy Daddy, your 4-year-old is in good hands. Do you believe in Santa Claus?
