A few years ago, or maybe it was last month, I'm not sure when, actually, I first encountered the “senior discount.” This discount seemed to coincide with my eligibility for AARP benefits at age 50 and, to my somewhat limited recollection, occurred at a local donut shop.
Now, I'm certainly not opposed to fudging on my age, especially when it's to my benefit. This age-fudging started when I was about 12 or 13 and spent most of my Saturday afternoons at the movies. Passing myself off as 11 not only saved me a couple of bucks on admission but gave me more money to spend on a big bag of “styrocorn,” which I could share with the critters scurrying around my feet.
Later on, I, like so many others in my class, had a fake ID. The purpose of having this should be a no-brainer – only I never used it, since the legal age of alcohol consumption at that time was 18, and I was 19. I never said I was the brightest bulb in the drawer.
In any event, my age never bothered me until I was unceremoniously offered a senior discount. No warning, no signs advertising a discount, but an in-your-face, take-it-old-man discount. The savings? Approximately 15 cents! Hardly worth getting and definitely not worth arguing over.
The point I'm trying to make is that I neither felt old enough to receive this discount nor wanted to be perceived as being old enough to warrant such a discount. This scenario played itself out in various and sundry ways for quite some time.
Usually, a discount was given to me without my knowledge, and I only found out later, when I looked at the sales receipt.
Still being quite vain, despite knowing that I was fast approaching the age of discountdom (55 in most places), I fought tooth and nail to deny these money-saving options. I was not old enough to be treated as an inpidual whose age you gauge by carbon dating.
Nope. Not anywhere near close to that. My appearance must be deceiving. Yes, I'm follicly challenged (or cerebrally enhanced, depending on your point of view and how well you know me) and what hair I have has turned gray.
But still, there's bounce in my step, albeit not the Tigger-like bounce that was once there. In short: I WAS NOT READY TO BE OFFERED A SENIOR DISCOUNT.
As time passed, quite quickly, I might add, I began to mellow and was not so vociferous in my protestations of age-related discounts.
My vocal rantings have somehow morphed into low guttural grumblings that, when decoded, can be heard as, “Look. I don't mind getting a discount, but don't arbitrarily assume that you can tell my age by cutting me in half and counting my age rings.” This sound, by the way, can be heard only by young whippersnappers, just barely out of puberty, with more tattoos than the cast of South Pacific. (I just realized that I have dated myself with those references. Well, ain't I the bees knees!)
Still, it bothered me to have someone assume something instead of tactfully addressing the issue of what discounts for which I may or may not be eligible. But I pride myself on being frugal and have not yet met a dollar bill I didn't like.
I decided to do some research on a few Concord establishments that cater to a wide array of people. I had a couple of questions to ask them: 1. Do you offer senior discounts? 2. How old does one have to be to get such a discount? And 3. How does one waiting on someone broach the subject if there are no signs posted stating that you offer discounts.
My first stop was the Freihofer's bakery outlet on Loudon Road. There, right behind the counter, was a sign that said, “senior discounts.” No criteria was posted, and I didn't get the discount when I checked out. I did ask the salesclerk what the criteria were, and she said one had to be over 62.
Dunkin' Donuts offers discounts to seniors 55 and older. Again, there are no signs stating such, and they seemed to be given arbitrarily depending on when and where you get your coffee. (Coffee's good there either way.) Neither McDonald's nor Burger King offer any discounts to seniors, but Wendy's does.
Wendy's, like Dunkin' Donuts, seems to scan the customer and apply a discount based on hair color. When I was given the discount there for a recent purchase, the person at the register said, “Well, you look like you're old enough.”
In A Pinch Cafe doesn't offer senior discounts, but the employees are a friendly bunch of people, so spending a little more and having some good conversation with them makes up for it. Other local coffee shops that employ baristas (fancy name for people who serve expensive coffee), such as Starbucks and Seattle's Best (in Borders) don't offer discounts. Too bad, because despite the costs, I've become addicted to both places. (Side note: Do caffeine addicts end up at Maxwell House?)
Moving right along, Makris Lobster & Steak House does offer senior discounts on Tuesdays.
At this point, the research had made me hungry, so I decided to check out one more place. (Unfortunately, and for reasons known to the Concord Insider staff, I did not have the opportunity to venture downtown.)
I decided to stop at the Common Man, one of my favorite restaurants in Concord. It was here that I found the mother of all discounts! And this one wasn't just for seniors. Here, at the Common Man, one could order half for half. Meaning, you could get half-portions of the menu offerings for half-price! There was only one catch – it had to be something without bones.
My first thought was a tribute to George Carlin: Why not get an oxymoronic dish that is semi-boneless? But hey, I was hungry and didn't want to get kicked out . . . again (figgy pudding, anyone?), and ordering boneless ribs seemed moot.
So with that much information, I leave you with the phrase caveat emptor disconti.
(Yeah, I made up disconti, but it sounds Latin and goes good with caveat emptor.) Don't be afraid to ask for a discount if you think it may be given, and don't bristle at automatically receiving one. Take it as having a little extra to take with you to Foxwoods.
Most importantly, to any place that may be thinking of offering discounts, feel free to give me one automatically. Not because I'm at the age where such discounts become applicable, but because I'M KEVIN, DARN IT!
Kevin Trottier
